Blogs from the Past: Clubbin'

"Apple bottom jeans, boots with the furrrr...the whole club was lookin' at her. She hit the floor. Next thing ya know, Shorty got low, low, low, low..." etc. etc.

When I first moved to New York, I remember thinking how ridiculous it was to pay someone to get into their drinking establishments and give them your business. "Yes, I would LOVE to pay 20 bucks to get inside and then another 15 on a cocktail, AFTER I wait outside for a half hour." And now, after almost five years in the New York nightlife circuit, I still think cover charges (unless you're seeing live music) are asinine. Unless, the club promises to bottle feed you liquor, and hand out free slices of pizza at closing time, then maybe I would be inclined to feel that a door charge is justified.

Yes--I do get in free 99.9% of the time because I am a girl. But this has always stunned me, too. Why is it that clubs will stockpile females into their clubs, and make all the guys wait outside until they reach a certain quota of girls?!? I don't wear cute, uncomfortable shoes to dance around an overpriced club for a bunch of girls. Guys already have it easy in the city; statistically, there are more girls than guys in NYC. Meaning--guys have more options of people to date and be douchebags for (I'm sure my mom is thrilled that I'm using that word). So why make it more difficult for girls to meet a club-going douchebag*? Can't we have a selection in the clubs? Pretty please?

And...no offense, ladies--but, from a business standpoint--guys drink to a nightclub's advantage. From working in the industry for way too long, I can tell you that girls will let the check sit on the table for 20 minutes before one person decides to be brave and reach for her credit card. And if the bill is $25 or less, girls will still try to split the bill, which baffles me.
Just buy the next round, ladies--it's called leaving pettiness at the door.
Now, this is not true for ladies all the time. Just most of the time, unless the ladies have actually been in the service industry. And please--always tip cash. If you can't afford to tip properly, then do everyone a favor and go home (this goes for guys as well as girls).

Guys, on the other hand, usually have no qualms about opening tabs and buying each other shots, and the waitress a shot, and other girls a shot, etc. And yet, they are discriminated against when it comes to getting into a club. They want to spend money--they even buy bottles of Grey Goose for $300 when they could get it at the liquor store for $30, but still--they have to wait in some BS line.

Come on, people. Enough of this madness. Next time I go to a club, I want a harem of men not wearing polos, my own table with a mini keg, and free pizza at the door. Is that too much to ask?

*I use the term "douchebag" with as much endearment and affection as possible.